


No Regrets

by Sue Corkill (mscorkill)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-02 21:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/373645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mscorkill/pseuds/Sue%20Corkill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam considers the implications of a conversation she has with Dr. Markov.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Season Four; originally posted September 2000

NO REGRETS

Sam raised her hand, preparing to knock on the partially open door when a muffled sound stopped her. It sounded like someone crying and trying very hard not to make any noise. Sam cautiously peered around the door into the small office and saw Dr. Markov weeping quietly into a handkerchief. Feeling like an intruder, Sam stepped back into the hallway. Leaning against the wall she considered the situation. She and the rest of SG-1 would be leaving soon. The Russians had finally managed to get a team to the isolated base and the airfield would shortly be operational. Captain Macmillan and his crew were returning for them, along with needed supplies. Dr. Markov and she didn’t have much time. Reluctant to intrude on the other woman’s grief, Sam acknowledged she didn’t have much choice.

In the office, Svetlana Markov wiped her eyes and blew her nose, calling on her formidable self-control to pull herself together. As she had told herself hours earlier, there would be time later to mourn. Right now there was much to do. She placed the picture she held in the box on the floor by her desk before turning back to her packing. A knock on the office door and a woman’s voice calling, "Dr. Markov?" alerted her to the fact she was no longer alone. She reluctantly stopped her work and called, "Enter."

Sam stepped into the small office, looking curiously at the other woman and the contents of the cluttered room. As Sam studied the cramped space, she vowed never again to complain about her lab. Compared to this room, her lab was a virtual mansion!

Dr. Markov hastily stood and moved a stack of journals off the only other chair. Looking around a bit helplessly, she finally put them on the floor. "Please excuse me Major Carter, there never seems to be enough room." Sam smiled and sat down, Dr. Markov returning to her chair at the desk. "What can I do for you?"

Sam studied the other woman, she knew that she herself was exhausted, but Dr. Markov looked weary to her very soul. "We’re leaving soon, I thought maybe we could talk about……things."

Dr. Markov grimaced. "You mean of course, our Stargate."

"Well, you must admit this is a unique situation."

Dr. Markov smiled wryly. "That, I believe would be an understatement." Turning to her desk and straightening some files she continued, "I do not know what will happen to our program." She laughed bitterly, "I guess I mean ‘my’ program." Looking at Sam she went on, "After this incident I doubt that further funding will be approved. The civil conflict that is tearing our country apart is also commandeering all our resources." She shook her head. "You have nothing to worry about. I’m afraid it will be a very long time before our Stargate program is operational again. As soon as you and your team depart, a containment team will dismantle the base." Gazing around her cluttered office she sighed, "I have already received a new assignment."

Sam realized then that part of the office’s disarray was because the other woman was packing. "Do you know what will happen to the Stargate?"

"It will be placed in storage and buried along with every thing we’ve worked for…and died for." Dr. Markov paused, looking close to tears again. "Do not worry, as long as the dialing device is disconnected your gate will not be affected."

Sam frowned, "I know, I just wish there was some way we could work together."

Dr. Markov smiled tiredly at the other woman. "Maybe someday we will have that opportunity. Now, if you’ll excuse me……"

Sam stood then, but in the close confines of the office she bumped against a filing cabinet, knocking some books onto the floor. As she and Dr. Markov both bent to pick them up, Sam reached to grab a book that had fallen into the partially open box on the floor. Seeing a picture in the box as she removed the book she was intrigued and picked it up to study it closer. A dark haired man held a small dark haired girl in his arms. The girl looked to be about three years old; both were grinning happily into the camera. "Your family?" Sam asked the other woman.

Dr. Markov gazed silently at the picture in Sam’s hand for a long moment before gently taking it from her grasp. Holding the picture in one hand Dr. Markov slowly traced the figures. "My husband and my daughter," she murmured.

"She’s beautiful," Sam commented. "You must be very proud."

"Yes, she is. We are……" the other woman paused almost imperceptibly, "were very happy." She pulled a handkerchief out of her jacket pocket and dabbed at her eyes.

Sam wasn’t sure what was going on, "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you."

"No, it’s all right." Taking a deep breath Dr. Markov turned to Sam. "There’s no reason not to tell you." Placing the picture back on the desk she said, "Katarina, my daughter," she explained, "it was her fourth birthday three days ago. She lives in Moscow with my sister while Yuri and I are away." She turned to Sam, a haunted look in her eyes. "That’s why I wasn’t here. I wanted to be with her on her birthday. Yuri was to watch over our work here……" her voice trailed off.

"Oh my God," Sam said quietly as the meaning of what the other woman said sunk in. "Your husband—he worked here at the base?"

"Yes," Dr. Markov smiled sadly. "His specialty is……was nuclear physics and engineering. It was his design work on the submarine."

She reached out and touched the picture, tracing his figure. "He promised he would wait until I returned before beginning the analysis on the water." Breaking into fresh tears she sobbed, "He promised……"

Sam acted on instinct and reaching out gently pulled the crying woman into her arms. Not knowing what to say she patted Dr. Markov’s back. It only took the crying woman a few moments to regain her composure; she pulled herself out of Sam’s arms, wiping her eyes.

"I’m sorry, I’m not usually this emotional," Dr. Markov tried to explain.

Reaching out and touching her arm Sam said, "I’m so sorry, I had no idea." Sam couldn’t even begin to comprehend how the other woman had been able to function given her loss. Dr. Markov was currently living what Sam only had nightmares about. She quickly pushed that thought to the back of her mind, as she acknowledged she knew how the other woman had functioned during the past 48 hours—you just divorce yourself from your feelings. Something Sam had to accept that she herself had plenty of experience doing.

"Dr. Markov," Sam began only to stop when she heard Daniel’s voice.

"Sam? Jack says we gotta’ go!" His voice echoed down the corridor, the door to the office swinging open as he stood in the doorway looking at the two women.

Sam took in Daniel’s mildly harassed look before addressing Dr. Markov again, "I have to go, you’ll be all right?"

Dr. Markov smiled slightly; "I will be fine." She turned to Daniel holding out her hand, "Dr. Jackson, until we meet again."

Not sure what to make of the other woman, Daniel took her hand and stammered, "Ah, yes……until we meet again. Sam?"

"Good bye Doctor, I do hope some day we’ll be able to work together," Sam told the other woman.

Dr. Markov smiled, "I have no doubt our paths will cross again, Major."

Daniel followed Sam down the hall. "What was that all about?"

"Oh, we were just talking about the Stargate."

Daniel frowned, "Ah, yeah, what is going to happen with their gate?"

Linking her arm with his she said, "Well, as best as I can figure……"

 

Sam studied the man sitting across from her on the plane. The Colonel had been unusually quiet ever since leaving the Russian base. She knew he was more than a little upset that Maybourne had conveniently ’disappeared’. The Russians were as tight-lipped as you would expect given the circumstances. As soon as the airfield was clear and the Russian team in place SG-1 had been gently, but firmly, escorted off the base to their awaiting carrier. Sam hadn’t seen Dr. Markov again. She was thankful that General Hammond had arranged for their transport to take them directly back to Cheyenne Mountain. After refueling over Japan, the plane’s crew had ensconced themselves in the cockpit leaving the four members of SG-1 to themselves in the aft section.

Sam shifted slightly, trying to get more comfortable. Daniel had fallen asleep and was leaning heavily on her shoulder; she was loath to disturb him though. She looked over at O’Neill who simply smirked and raised his eyebrow at her predicament. Thank goodness they no longer had to wear their heavy winter gear or their helmets. She didn’t know how the Colonel had done it but they each had one of the smaller earpiece radios. Of course, they couldn’t have a truly private conversation; she doubted that the crew would listen in but she wouldn’t bet on it. Smiling wryly at O’Neill, she put her arm around Daniel and leaning back closed her eyes, hoping to get some sleep herself.

 

Sam shifted restlessly, waking slowly and wondering why she was so uncomfortable. And what was in her lap? Opening her eyes reluctantly she surveyed her surroundings. Still on the plane, Daniel still sleeping—with his head in her lap now. With that mystery explained she looked around for the rest of her team. Teal’c had moved and now sat against the bulkhead. He opened his eyes briefly when he sensed her gaze upon him.

"Major Carter, do you require assistance?" His voice sounded in her earpiece.

"What? Ah no," she replied, realizing he referred to Daniel. She stroked the sleeping man’s hair. "I’m okay." Not seeing the Colonel she asked, "Where’s Colonel O’Neill?"

"I believe he is conferring with Captain Macmillan."

Looking towards the front of the carrier Teal’c’s words were confirmed as the cockpit door opened and the Colonel appeared. Sam watched as he made his way back to their location. Seeing that she was awake, he came and sat next to her. "How’s sleeping beauty?"

Sam’s hand stilled on Daniel’s hair. "Sleeping better than the rest of us, sir. Except for maybe Teal’c." She gestured to where the Jaffa sat meditating. "What time is it?"

"Here or at the mountain?" O’Neill quipped. Sam merely smiled. "We’re three hours out from the mountain." He glanced at his watch; "We should be landing by 2030 and back on the base by 2100".

Sam smiled shaking her head, "That sounds good to me sir. I’m just not sure what time my body is on though."

O’Neill smiled down at his major; "Oh, I’m with you on that Major, my body doesn’t know whether it’s coming or going." Watching as she stifled a yawn he added, "You might as well use me for a pillow Carter since Daniel’s taking advantage of you."

Sam surveyed their surroundings quickly, SG-1 were the only ones present in the body of the plane. She sighed and leaned against the Colonel’s side, resting her head on his shoulder. They must present quite a sight she thought. Daniel sleeping with his head in her lap and now her, leaning against O’Neill. Relaxing against him she let herself drift back off to sleep.

 

Yawning, Sam turned into the drive and pulled into the garage. The second stall was still empty, she thought he would have beaten her home. Exiting the car, she had just opened the door to the house when his Explorer pulled into the garage. She waited as he got out, he waved two white paper bags at her, "I was hungry." She grinned as he continued, "It may be midnight here, but my stomach must still be on Russian time."

As they went into the house together she asked, "What did you get?"

Jack set the bags on the kitchen counter and began pulling out the small take-out containers, "Cashew chicken, sweet and sour pork, that beef stuff you like, rice." Grabbing some plates from the cupboard he handed them to her, "Basically whatever they had left, they were getting ready to close."

While Sam dished out their food, Jack grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. Going through to the dining room then they began eating. Jack was halfway through the sweet and sour pork when he asked her, "So where did you disappear to right before we left?"

"You mean back at the Russian base?" she asked through a mouthful of rice.

He gave her a ‘where else’ look, gesturing with his fork.

"I went to talk with Dr. Markov." She looked curiously at him, "But you know that, I reported my conversation with her at the debriefing with the General." After their return to Cheyenne Mountain General Hammond had wanted a short debriefing. There would be a full one at 1400 the next day, or actually today, Sam realized.

"I know what you told the General, Sam," he sent her a penetrating look. "But I also know you, something else happened."

Sam stood abruptly, taking their now empty plates into the kitchen. Avoiding his question, she busied herself rinsing the plates and putting them in the dishwasher. Jack watched her from the doorway. She knew he was waiting for her to answer, she wished she knew why she was so reluctant to tell him her whole conversation with the Russian scientist. He was her lover and her best friend, she told him everything. She was scared though, Sam finally acknowledged, scared of the possibility of what happened to Dr. Markov happening to her and Jack. Oh sure, her mind knew they faced terrible risks on a daily basis and she had foolishly hoped her heart had acknowledged the same thing.

"Sam," Jack’s voice broke into her thoughts. He came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Talk to me Sam."

Twisting out from his grasp she sidestepped around him and said, "I’m going to bed." She walked out of the kitchen, heading down the hall to the bedroom.

Jack stood in the kitchen staring after her. Damn, she was shutting him out. She didn’t do it very often, but fortunately for him, if she followed her usual pattern she would tell him what was bothering her after they were in bed. Relaxing a bit, he finished cleaning up the kitchen, giving her some time before he followed her to the bedroom.

Sam came out of the bathroom as he entered the bedroom. "I’ll just be a minute," he told her as he went into the bathroom himself.

Sam lay on her side in the bed, waiting for him. She hated it when she acted like this, but sometimes it just took more time for her to be able to talk about her emotions. She had spent so many years trying to suppress them and be a ‘good soldier’ that now, when she wanted to open up to the man she loved, she still had trouble. Thank God Jack accepted and even understood her moods.

Jack left the bathroom, having stripped down to his boxers. Leaving the beside lamp on, he crawled into the bed, lying on his back and pulling Sam into his arms. She came to him instantly, lying with her head on his chest, curling her right arm around him and bringing her right leg over his.

Sam snuggled close, sighing contentedly. When they were together like this, it seemed as if nothing could ever touch them or intrude on their love. She lay there simply savoring the feel of his arms around her, the steady rise and fall of his chest, his gentle touch as he softly caressed her face, her hair. "I missed this," she murmured into his chest.

"Mmm?" he questioned casually, continuing to play with her hair.

"While we were in Russia, I missed this," she clarified.

Surmising she meant this closeness he said, "We knew when we first got involved that it would be this way Sam." He tightened his hold on her, praying she wasn’t having any regrets. "That we would have to completely separate our personal and professional lives."

She sighed, "I know, I’m not complaining." She tilted her head to look at him. "What we have is worth any current sacrifice we have to make." She tucked her head back under his chin, nuzzling her cheek against his warm flesh. They lay quietly for a few minutes before she spoke again. "Dr. Markov’s husband was one of the scientists killed at the base."

"Ah." Jack’s hand paused momentarily in its stroking caress before resuming its path down her back. Not sure where she was heading with this revelation he didn’t say anything more.

"Jack, do you ever think about what it would be like if something happened to one of us during a mission?" she asked quietly.

He heard the sincerity and honest questioning in her voice. These were deep waters they were treading in now as this was obviously the heart of the matter. "Sam, I love you." He paused, kissing her hair. "If I learned anything after Charlie’s death it’s that we have to be thankful each day for what we have." He shifted, turning on his side so he could look at her as he spoke. She looked up at him with such love and trust it nearly took his breath away. "I don’t know what will happen tomorrow." He reached up and stroked her cheek, "It’s enough for me that we’re together now and will be as long as we both still draw breath."

Sam gazed in wonder at her lover. As undying declarations of love go, this one was fairly profound, especially given the man who had just uttered it. Reaching up to caress his face in turn she murmured, "How did I get so fortunate to have you in my life?"

He grinned down at her, "Don’t know." Then suddenly serious he added, "Sam, you know it’s not always easy for me to express myself." She nodded her expression now serious too. "I love you," he continued, "more than I thought I could ever love any one again. And nothing will ever separate us."

She studied his face carefully, the sincerity and intensity in his brown eyes almost causing her to come undone. She believed him, having faith in his absolute belief in their love. Bringing her right hand up to his nape, she smiled as she pulled his head down to hers, brushing her lips against his.

Feeling strangely relieved, Jack eased himself over her, capturing her teasing lips with his, turning her playful kiss into an intensely passionate one. She opened her mouth to his questing tongue, moaning softly in the back of her throat.

"I love you Jack," she murmured when they finally broke for air.

"I know baby, I know," he replied, sliding his hand under her nightshirt, pulling her closer and kissing her deeply. His touch and his words soon taking them both to the place where only their love existed.

THE END


End file.
